Tuesday, January 11, 2011

To Tell Or Not To Tell? ... That Is The Question.

When we first got married I clearly remember telling Gerson that communication was the key to a great marriage.

I think it was the communicator in me saying that. I majored in communication, believe that I was brought on this earth to communicate, and have no problem communicating the message I want to convey.

During the first months of our marriage, I would get upset when Gerson didn't tell me things. Actually, our first (and biggest) fight was due to lack of communication. So Gerson, being the good husband that he is, began to communicate.

Through out that year he COMMUNICATED that I had gained some weight, that he didn't like the long, blue dress on me, that he would like me to be more organized when it came to planning, that dinner was too salty, that he didn't want to talk about babies until several years, that I should cut back on the ice cream, that I should get my masters or work (but not stay home), that maybe I should try some whitening strips, that I could use a manicure (he likes me w/ pretty nails), that my pointy shoes were ugly (Please don't mess w/ my shoes!), that I should be more involved with our finances, and the list probably went on.

Does Gerson sound like a monster or what?! Well, maybe I embellished a bit, but Gerson communicated with me alright! He's always treated me with love and kindness. His intentions were never to hurt me. Honestly, Gerson would tell me these things in the kindest way he could. I wrote that he told me I had gained weight, but he actually suggested we work out together because he wanted me to be healthy. Maybe in his head he had thought I had gained a few pounds and wanted to be supportive, but I interpreted it as "Gerson's calling me a cow!"

After a year of this communication deal, Gerson told me one day, "I don't know what to do! You tell me to communicate but when I do, you get upset. And if I don't tell you stuff then you still get upset" He was absolutely right. It was a lose lose for him.

Can any of you relate to this? or to me?

Obviously, I recognized I was wrong, apologized, and began to be more understanding. I want Gerson to be honest and comfortable telling me how he feels.

No one is perfect. Being straight up rude is one thing. That's unacceptable. But the majority of the times, the person's intentions are harmless. They feel comfortable enough to be sincere. Besides, I realized that I was being too sensitive. Many times Gerson expressed something cause he wanted the best for me or for our marriage.

Sometimes the old cliché is right, the truth hurts, but would you rather be in a relationship that's trustworthy and real, or in one that's fake and dodgy?