Wednesday, January 10, 2018

New Year, New Season.

This past year I was sitting on my couch while the kids were in school when I was reminded how I had longed for a moment as that.

Raising two little ones during G's medical residency was hard guys. I couldn't afford daycare, so being all day with them and having a husband work crazy hours was absolutely draining. I remember throwing "why me?" pity parties and wishing and dreaming of having my kids in school. I needed a break from them. I remember once I was so sick, had to care for my kid, and was just crying on the floor wanting my mom to come help me. I longed for family. Overall, for just a better situation. I'm just being real here so if you're going to judge just stop reading.

Anyways, in the midst of this season, I eventually grabbed on to God and believed on all His promises. I got involved in a church. You would have thought I was a born again Christian. I would bawl while the pastor preached feeling that he was preaching just to me. Saying the exact words my life needed at that moment. Met the most amazing people, which by the way, is why I love them so much. These friends met me in one of the hardest seasons of my life yet befriended and loved me. They became the family I had longed for. I stopped the pity parties and learned to enjoy being a stay at home with two little ones. Really guys, I was the mom always out and about with the kids. Til this day my kids love being out. They knew every museum in town. Started cooking them creative meals and til this day enjoy cooking for them! Was life perfect? Not one bit. But it became about perspective and trusting God. I also chose to love my husband because I resented him so much at the beginning. (Remember, I'm just being real) and believed that if we went through this season hand in hand, God would show up.

Unsurprisingly, that's what He's always done. Show up! I could tell you millions of stories where it was a "But God!" moment. So on that couch, I was reminded of how I once longed exactly that. Some time to myself. Kids in school. Time to simply think of things I want to do for my life. A husband who's home more often. And right then I knew God was reminding me to reassure me that a season was over and a new one had begun. That peace and quiet on that couch was not only the beginning of a new season but a gift from above. I profoundly felt in my heart it was a gift. Like God telling me "remember your little pity parties?"

So hubby got home that day and I told him everything. How the peace and quiet on the couch was a gift but also how a season had ended. I felt strong knowing so. We had grown and through that growth loved each other more.

I also told G that I wanted to enjoy some peace and quiet but would get a job in 2018. Well, December 2017, I get a call from a friend asking if I was interested in a position to work for an organization he is part of. It would allow me to work from home and grow professionally. This sounded like a great opportunity, hence, accepted, and after almost 6 years of staying home I am employed!

If there is something I have learned these last years is that life is full of seasons. How you embrace the season is up to you. You can take it by the horns and ride it or you can choose to see the negative. I'm so excited about 2018. I write with the hope of encouraging you, that if you grab on to God, He will show up. I promise.

But also to share with you that one of my goals is to begin writing again. I'm looking forward to sharing with you all that's in my heart. The good. The bad. The lessons and adventures. And hope to have you as a reader.

Happy 2018 everyone! Wishing you a great and purposeful one!

Monday, October 9, 2017

You Don't Have To Try So Hard.

Do you ever feel like you try too hard to feel pretty? Or accepted? Or loved?

This weekend G was on call. On Saturday, although he anticipated to round on his patients and spend the day with us, he ended up getting cases and got home around 8pm.
He got home exhausted. He's only been out of residency for a few months but its as if he doesn't remember how to work those long days anymore. Haha
The kids were in bed and he greets me with a kiss and says "baby, you look beautiful." I thanked him. Asked him if he wanted dinner. He responds with a nod, following with "I'm starving!"
I sat down with him to keep him company since I had already eaten dinner. I asked him about his day and he begins to tell me but in the middle of the convo he asks "baby, who are you going to go see? You look so good."
I was wearing what could be close to pajamas. My makeup had worn off from the day. I really didn't feel pretty. So I told him that I had gone out during the day, hence the jewelry I was still wearing, but that I was wearing pretty much pajamas because I was going to bed not out. He said "well you look beautiful" and the thought that I had was "And you tell me this when I'm not even trying." Because ladies, let's be real. There are days that I try. I love dressing up, looking pretty, doing my makeup. Or wearing some nice shoes. There are days that I try hard in my marriage. I want him to like me. To desire me. To want me. I want to get all pretty and hear it from him. And I feel like I have to try hard just to get that from him.

But after that negative thought entered my mind, what I believe was the holy spirit followed by telling me "Adri, you don't have to try so hard."

You don't have to try so hard. 

There's nothing wrong with wanting to look good. There's nothing wrong with putting like Beyonce says the "freakum dress" for your spouse. Or wearing something nice on dates. But what are our motives? Are the motives coming from your insecurities? From trying to compete with others? Are you seeking acceptance from others?

We don't have to try so hard. We were created beautifully, wonderfully, and fearfully. We are loved just like that.... in pajamas with worn out makeup. With stretch marks or love handles. With abs or belly. With however you look today, you are enough. You are loved. And that is a refreshing thought.

I want to finish with saying that there will be  days you do try. Whether trying by wearing a dress your spouse likes. Or wearing your hair the way he likes you to wear it. Whatever it is you do to try, do it for love. Not because you're insecure. Not because you're jealous of someone else. Not to show off on facebook. Not because you fear he's going to leave you. Or because you want to compare to someone else. Do it because you love.

And on this monday, cause most mondays are a drag, carry the confidence that you are absolutely enough. You are loved. You are beautiful and a masterpiece from your creator.

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

A Vital Key - Communication

I love to communicate.

It's easy for me to let my husband know how I am feeling. On good or bad days I can do it. I can be loud. Or quiet. I can elaborate or be vague.  I can even be nonverbally expressive with my facial expressions and body language. Communicating is easy for me.

Gerson is your average male. Less expressive. More sexual. Sports. Beer. You get the point.

Nevertheless, communication has played a huge part in moving us forward.

I cannot stress how important this is for absolutely any relationship. Whenever we have succeeded as a couple, communication was a big part of it. Or when we've had to overcome a rocky season, we couldn't have done it without communicating.

Life has its ups and downs. It's a beautiful journey and in this life your spouse is your teammate. Someone your building and doing life with. Communication is vital in order to walk this adventure together.

Here are some suggestions on communication that have helped us move forward.

1. Take a Breather. -  The worst thing you can do is "communicate" while upset. You are full of emotions, and most likely communicate things you will want to take back.  Both of us have found that we solve our problems effectively when we're no longer mad.

2. Listen - Don't talk and over talk. I'm so good at that! Listening is a huge part of communication. And don't pretend you're listening really just waiting for your turn. Believe me people, I was a pro at this. Forget what you're going to say so you can listen and answer accordingly.

3. Do Not Assume. - I have sat down with many friends who want relationship advice. They tell me what they're feeling and when I ask ' Have you talked to him about this?' the answer is usually no. Or "no, I already know what he's going to say!" You will never overcome the difficulties in your relationship if you refuse to communicate for assuming the outcome. They may surprise you. Sometimes your partner may not even be aware that you're going through something due to lack of communication.

4. On Paper, On Purpose. - I got that saying from Dave Ramsey. Plan out your goals as a marriage. Open a bottle of wine and talk about the future. Write monthly and yearly goals. Dream together.

5. Speak Up. - Gerson can be so romantic. And extremely sweet. He can find the perfect card. Write the perfect words, but as soon as I open the gift I'm so disappointed. I would return the majority of my gifts and pretty sure his feelings eventually were affected. Plus, then he hated buying me gifts. So one day we solved this first world problem.  I spoke up. I realized that when he would surprise me with fragrances that he liked for me or lipsticks that he liked on me I would keep because what woman doesn't want to wear what her man likes. Or even earrings. That gave him a boost of confidence. And for all the other gifts that I want that I know he probably would have a harder time choosing I simply let him know. Does it suck that it can't be a surprise since I love surprises? It does! But it's ok. It's not the end of the world. He can always surprise me with things he's good at choosing.

I'm pretty sure I could keep going. Kids are waking up so I have to stop. :) Hope these tips are of some help! Let's keep moving forward...


Monday, February 8, 2016

The Thing

A few years ago I had an epiphany.

All of us have that thing that we cannot stand from our spouse. Whether it's leaving the toilet seat up or open lid to the toothpaste, we all have that one little thing.

My thing since I can remember has been the trash. That's right. Gerson is the worst at taking out the trash.  I have to ask him daily. He's gotten way better at it through time, but seriously people, it was a chore getting him to do it on a regular basis.

Then one morning I go to throw something away and as you can imagine the trash was full. I made my noise of frustration, looked up, and the first thing I saw were dirty dishes. I'm one that does dishes at night so you will see dishes rinsing in my sink all day but I believe that night I had fallen asleep without washing them.

I began to see my flaws as a wife. All the things I know Gerson could complain about but hadn't. I felt horrible. My husband is not perfect but he's pretty close. He doesn't demand food on the table or complain about my messy closet. He's understanding in many areas. Especially after becoming a stay at home mom, there were so many areas I needed improvement on, yet he understood that I was adjusting to motherhood.

That night I apologized for my nagging.

I think there will always be something that will bug us about each other. The revelation that morning was more about examining oneself. Before you bitch about the same thing, look at your imperfections. We forget that no one is perfect, including ourselves. And if you feel close to perfection, reexamine yourself. We all have areas we can work on, as individuals and in our relationships.

The key to moving forward is beginning change with oneself. Not changing your partner. When I saw my flaws and realized how graceful my husband is, it inspired me to do the same. Does the trash still bother me? It does! But through time I practice patience. He doesn't need to be lectured nor scolded about something so stupid. Those nags are so unnecessary.

I've heard of couples that never argue which I find astonishing. We do argue but through the years there are fights that are not worth fighting about. And please don't say you do it for the makeup sex cause you can have amazing sex without the fight.

So there you have it people.
1. Let go of the thing.
2. Examine oneself.
3. And make sure that everything you're doing for your relationship is only moving you forward.


Thursday, July 9, 2015

From E-card to Greeting Card

I want to share a little story with you.

There's no moral to it.  Just something I thought about yesterday while I picked out a card for Gerson at the store. It took me back ... way back!

It was over 10 years ago, a friend of mine called to tell me it was Gerson's birthday. I did know Gerson. Not really on a personal level. Just as this guy who hung out with all of us from time to time.

My friend asked me to call him to wish him a happy birthday. I refused. I told her he really wasn't a friend and that it would be weird. She insisted  and said that everyone goes home for the summer and no one really celebrates his birthday. She rambled about how he's always there for our birthdays and bla bla bla. So I agreed to email him.

I have searched and searched for this email! Because never in my life did I ever imagine this guy would be my husband. I wish I knew the exact words I wrote him. Gerson and I agree that it might have been an ecard cause they were pretty popular back then. lol And the ecard probably said the norm "Happy Birthday! Best wishes!"

Well, I went to bed and had a dream that night that I was marrying Gerson. Super weird, I know! But the truth is till this day I dream the craziest dreams that I really thought nothing of it. I was so into this other guy at the time that I didn't even think about it. I remember the dream because I was wearing a red gown on the beach. Nothing like our real wedding! lol

Once I went back for fall semester, I started seeing him around campus more. We then became really good friends, thanks to our mutual friend.

That following year I went to the store and bought him a card. That's right. No more e-card. We still have it and I wrote "Happy Birthday! ... I really hope we stay friends for a long time." It's what I felt in my heart. I loved our friendship. Shortly after we grew in love and the rest is history.

I get him a greeting card for every birthday now. And continue to write my thoughts to him.

Life can be so strange. You may be looking at your future husband and not even know.

Happy Thursday everyone and  a Happy birthday to the one I love!


Tuesday, April 14, 2015

My Status on Social Media

I remember the day I took this pic. I looked at it and thought 'this is so fake' Gael was having a hard time adjusting to his new sister and somehow I got him to smile and lay with her. But in reality it took him months to like her. Every time I see this pic I think about how pictures can portray something that's not real. It was simply a good picture but not reality.

Social media has taken over the world.

It has expanded so much in the last years that it has also affected our relationships. I've read so many posts, blogs, and articles that say we have never been so connected yet disconnected with people. This life has become about our daily post on Facebook, our pic of the day on Instagram, our tweets, and snaps, and it just keeps going!

 I'm not here to bash social media. I love it! I have a B.A. in Communications and worked in public relations. I mean really, how could I ever not like it?

However, I do believe that there are certain no-no's that should be considered when dealing with your relationship and social media. Let's bullet-point.

*FACEBOOK STATUS - I have no idea why people make the biggest deal when changing their relationship status. I wonder if I would have been as excited to change my status to "in a relationship" back in the day... Probably! Ha! In a relationship is at least good news. But how about It's Complicated? Seriously? That's a huge no-no. Do not be an emotional slut spreading your relationship problems on social media! No one needs to know all your business, whether you're taking a break, or in a disagreement. Stick to single or in a relationship.

*DON'T INVITE OTHERS TO YOUR BEDROOM - Once I saw a friend post her lingerie for her anniversary night. I mean really! That is so unnecessary. No one needs to know if you're having sex. Keep those awesome deets between you and your spouse. Whatever happens in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom.

*JUST SAY NO - Social media has become an addiction. When I had my first baby. I was in a new city. No friends and my husband always working. All I would do is watch tv, roam the internet including social media, while feeding and sleeping my son. Eventually, I realized my actions were so unhealthy. Not just for me, but for my relationship with my newborn. I love talking to my husband so it's easy for me to put my phone down with him, but since my baby wouldn't do much I wasted so much time on social media. Now I am aware of that. I still post a lot of things, daily pictures of my kids. But I also know when I can use my phone. Not during reading time. Not when we're spending one on one. I actually don't grab my phone the first couple of hours I wake up so I can spend time reading or praying. Take control over it. If you're with your spouse or partner, get off your phone. Talk. Make-out!

*DON'T FAKE IT -  This is very true. A lot of things we post on instagram are to portray our perfect world that doesn't exist. If you're on IG, you are most likely guilty of it. I know I am. I have posted a pic of my healthy salad yet forgotten to add the one of my chocolate chip cookie! haha

Remember that absolutely no marriage or relationship is perfect. Don't get sucked into this idea that your relationship is not good enough because of everything you see on social media. Half of it is probably fake. Focus on your relationship. Stop trying to compare and do everything to catch up to portray a lie. Keep some things sacred and private. By no means am I saying it's bad to show love on social media. I often will send Gerson a little digital love note. Or post the flowers he brought me. Do I post everything he buys me? No. Gerson's not really into social media and as much as I love it, I know to keep certain things private mainly to respect him. Keep a good balance and good intentions. Don't fake it.

*NO BASHING - This one really gets to me. As mentioned before, Facebook does not need to know all of your business. Facebook or Twitter is not the place for you to bash your partner. It doesn't matter how stupid or dumb or bad it is. My job as Gerson's wife is to speak well of him, not bad. If I did not like something he did, I go to him, not to social media.

Well, there you have it. Some points that could help your relationship in this social media world. Networking is fun. Just don't allow this thing to destroy your relationship. It's definitely not worth it. Happy Tuesday!

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Marriage Means More.

Gerson surprised me with a trip to Chicago on our 3rd anniversary. It was perfect!
Today I celebrate 8 years of marriage with Gerson.

I love to think about that day. November 5th, 2006. I love to remember the thoughts that were going through my head and all the emotions I was feeling. I still remember, isn't that strange?

I had an invincible spirit. I walked down that aisle, certain that nothing could ever break us. I believed that we could fight the unimaginable fight just to remain together. All we desired was to finally be together, physically and spiritually. No more distance, no more insecurities, we would be what the Bible says married couples are, which is one. 

We were so in love. That crazy stupid love, on Cloud9, and it was awesome. 
But eventually Cloud9 did come to an end. Reality hit. And although our love still remained, marriage became hard work. The sparks that I thought would stay forever required work. Agreeing on certain subjects required work. Sacrifices. Compromises. Romance required work. How is it that marriage could require so much work?!

8 years later I have to say that I love that about marriage. I love that Gerson and I love each other so much that we're willing to make it work. We desire this relationship to go as far as it can. 

When you experience ups and downs with someone, good and bad, and continue to love  each other enough to make it through anything, it gives marriage so much more value than the days your love was so effortless. 

Marriage means more than the party or the white dress. It's more than a piece of paper. It is a beautiful promise. It is a commitment to build life with someone in good and bad, in rich and poor, in sick and health. It's not meant to always be easy. Life in general isn't easy. Those "hard work marriage" moments have only made our relationship stronger. It has made me love him more and look forward to our future. 

If you're married, remember that your years have produced much more value than the day you got married. You're rich and full. Today take the time to reminisce, look at all you've built with your spouse, and say marriage means more!