A few years ago I had an epiphany.
All of us have that thing that we cannot stand from our spouse. Whether it's leaving the toilet seat up or open lid to the toothpaste, we all have that one little thing.
My thing since I can remember has been the trash. That's right. Gerson is the worst at taking out the trash. I have to ask him daily. He's gotten way better at it through time, but seriously people, it was a chore getting him to do it on a regular basis.
Then one morning I go to throw something away and as you can imagine the trash was full. I made my noise of frustration, looked up, and the first thing I saw were dirty dishes. I'm one that does dishes at night so you will see dishes rinsing in my sink all day but I believe that night I had fallen asleep without washing them.
I began to see my flaws as a wife. All the things I know Gerson could complain about but hadn't. I felt horrible. My husband is not perfect but he's pretty close. He doesn't demand food on the table or complain about my messy closet. He's understanding in many areas. Especially after becoming a stay at home mom, there were so many areas I needed improvement on, yet he understood that I was adjusting to motherhood.
That night I apologized for my nagging.
I think there will always be something that will bug us about each other. The revelation that morning was more about examining oneself. Before you bitch about the same thing, look at your imperfections. We forget that no one is perfect, including ourselves. And if you feel close to perfection, reexamine yourself. We all have areas we can work on, as individuals and in our relationships.
The key to moving forward is beginning change with oneself. Not changing your partner. When I saw my flaws and realized how graceful my husband is, it inspired me to do the same. Does the trash still bother me? It does! But through time I practice patience. He doesn't need to be lectured nor scolded about something so stupid. Those nags are so unnecessary.
I've heard of couples that never argue which I find astonishing. We do argue but through the years there are fights that are not worth fighting about. And please don't say you do it for the makeup sex cause you can have amazing sex without the fight.
So there you have it people.
1. Let go of the thing.
2. Examine oneself.
3. And make sure that everything you're doing for your relationship is only moving you forward.