|A fuzzy pic of us in bed wanting to nap and Gael crying away. :)|
Growing up I often heard my dad talk about how he needed to love and care for my mom more because someday his children would leave.
Seriously, my sisters and I heard it so often that when we were getting married, it's definitely something each of us had planned to apply.
As the years go by, I love Gerson more and more. If you thought I was in love with him 10 years ago, I'm more crazy about him now. So when I got pregnant I never doubted it. I was so confident that my husband would always come before my children... And then Gael was born.
If you're a mother you will understand, but the minute Gael was born my heart immediately grew a love I never knew. A love so big I can't even put into words. The days went by and the love just grew even more. All of your mommy friends tell you about this love but until you have your child in your arms, you're like whoa! I didn't know this love! It's amazing.
As the weeks went by I found it difficult to balance. It's normal, I'm sure. But I just couldn't care about Gerson. I was like a kid with a new toy. I've heard many husband's get jealous and I'm glad Gerson was just a good sport about it.
Maybe it's cause we didn't just transition into the parenting journey, but we had also moved to a different state, and Gerson had begun his very busy job. However, I didn't think I could ever ever put him first ever again. Did anyone feel like this? I was pretty sure eventually Gerson would get tired and my marriage would go downhill, because in my mind and heart I couldn't see myself putting my husband before Gael as my parents taught us.
Now, I know it's a different kind of love. The love of a son and husband is totally different. And I'm aware that it's normal to give more attention to the child the first months because it's all new but I also believe that if you never choose to start balancing your time with each one it will take over and your marriage could go downhill. I've seen it happen.
Just like you choose to love your spouse even on days you'd rather not, you also have to choose to prioritize. You see, one day, as my dad would tell us, your children will leave you. It's biblical! They will leave and begin a life of their own. And you can end up being happy with your spouse or miserable. It's a choice that you make. Everything I give into my marriage is an investment. I've said this so many times in so many of the posts. I don't know how long Gerson and I will have together, but I'm praying for a lifetime of healthy and happy years. I choose to give into my marriage daily. All the years, good and bad times, prayers, time, love, attention, money, our children, sex, dates, romance, and much more. It's all an investment towards our marriage. I'm not obligated to give, it's a choice we make.
The thought of Gael leaving makes me sad cause he makes me so happy. But it's going to happen someday. Heck, I would never want my 30 year old son living with us! We want to raise, teach, and equip him to build a life of his own. And when that happens, I'm going to want my husband to be there. We can get so caught up in raising our children that when they do leave, we don't even know ourselves or our spouse anymore. I want Gerson and I to be in a healthy marriage when our children leave us.
It's been a little over a year and I'm learning more and more how to balance my loves. I want my marriage to be my greatest accomplishment. Therefore, I will always choose to care and love my husband.
PS My parents were so sad when their daughters left. It took them about a day to get over it and now they're living the life! They get super happy when we visit them but happier when we go back to our home. ;)