Do you ever feel like you try too hard to feel pretty? Or accepted? Or loved?
This weekend G was on call. On Saturday, although he anticipated to round on his patients and spend the day with us, he ended up getting cases and got home around 8pm.
He got home exhausted. He's only been out of residency for a few months but its as if he doesn't remember how to work those long days anymore. Haha
The kids were in bed and he greets me with a kiss and says "baby, you look beautiful." I thanked him. Asked him if he wanted dinner. He responds with a nod, following with "I'm starving!"
I sat down with him to keep him company since I had already eaten dinner. I asked him about his day and he begins to tell me but in the middle of the convo he asks "baby, who are you going to go see? You look so good."
I was wearing what could be close to pajamas. My makeup had worn off from the day. I really didn't feel pretty. So I told him that I had gone out during the day, hence the jewelry I was still wearing, but that I was wearing pretty much pajamas because I was going to bed not out. He said "well you look beautiful" and the thought that I had was "And you tell me this when I'm not even trying." Because ladies, let's be real. There are days that I try. I love dressing up, looking pretty, doing my makeup. Or wearing some nice shoes. There are days that I try hard in my marriage. I want him to like me. To desire me. To want me. I want to get all pretty and hear it from him. And I feel like I have to try hard just to get that from him.
But after that negative thought entered my mind, what I believe was the holy spirit followed by telling me "Adri, you don't have to try so hard."
You don't have to try so hard.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to look good. There's nothing wrong with putting like Beyonce says the "freakum dress" for your spouse. Or wearing something nice on dates. But what are our motives? Are the motives coming from your insecurities? From trying to compete with others? Are you seeking acceptance from others?
We don't have to try so hard. We were created beautifully, wonderfully, and fearfully. We are loved just like that.... in pajamas with worn out makeup. With stretch marks or love handles. With abs or belly. With however you look today, you are enough. You are loved. And that is a refreshing thought.
I want to finish with saying that there will be days you do try. Whether trying by wearing a dress your spouse likes. Or wearing your hair the way he likes you to wear it. Whatever it is you do to try, do it for love. Not because you're insecure. Not because you're jealous of someone else. Not to show off on facebook. Not because you fear he's going to leave you. Or because you want to compare to someone else. Do it because you love.
And on this monday, cause most mondays are a drag, carry the confidence that you are absolutely enough. You are loved. You are beautiful and a masterpiece from your creator.
